Month: February 2013

Travyon Martin: A Year Later

[CN: violence, racism, discussion of an autopsy report]

I was planning on writing about Trayvon Martin on the anniversary of his murder, and it’s ended up being two different posts. As with most crimes, as time goes on and the media tells us of new stories we should be thinking about, victims and details fade from our minds. In some ways, it’s how we are able to function as humans: we move on. But some stories we should not forget, especially when the crime itself is a symptom of bigger problems our country is dealing with. Trayvon Martin is still very relevant. From gun control to race relations, his death reflects much of what we are still getting wrong. I watched Sybrina Fulton and Tracy Martin, Trayvon’s parents, on CNN last night. It was a moving interview:

We (want to) make sure that no other parents have to go through what we have gone through in the last year.

No parent should ever have to bury their child. And no one should ever have to lose a loved one due to gun violence. (more…)

Is this cheating?

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(PARENTHESES WARNING: I USE MANY IN THIS PIECE! HA! Sorry–just deal with it.)

I tumblr’d this post last week and found it intriguing. A few of the responses really caught my attention. I was curious about the over 45 set’s responses. It seems after that age you just pretty much give each other hall passes? I wonder how I’ll feel ten years from now on these topics. The topics make for a great conversation starter. What I found most astounding was that anyone considers masturbating to be cheating. If someone accuses you of cheating on them because you are masturbating, they need help resolving their own guilt and shame regarding masturbation. I found myself wondering if there’s a correlation between people whose partner treated their masturbation as a positive compared to those who condemned it, and the cheating rates amongst those two groups. I’d bet the person who can pleasure themselves guilt-free and tap into their deepest desires (Hooray fantasy!) would be happier in their relationship, more in tune with their own body and what feels good (Thereby improving their sex life with their partner!), and less likely to cheat. If you have no outlet for your sexual urges and desires, and are shamed over self-lovin’, you’ll be more than tempted to seek another to fulfill some of those wants.

A few minutes after I tumblr’d it, TK texted me suggesting we “both compose emails with our YAY or NAY responses to each of those” and then email them right before we spoke to each other. He ended with, “Good idea or disastrous idea?” I was immediately on-board with it. I thought it would be a good idea and I looked forward to the conversation. Perhaps even a little healthy debate would follow and I’m always game for that. As evening came, and I was preparing my email of answers, I was struck with a bit of panic. What if there was an answer we so disagreed on and there was no compromise? What if we hurt the other, and that was the end of all this? (more…)

…With The Bad

[CN: sexual assault, PTSD]

I wrote this the same day as the story that precedes it, but it’s taken this long to be able to edit it, and to want to finish it. But here it finally is.

On Sunday evening, TK and I left Philadelphia following my amazing birthday weekend and headed back to New York. We fell short on time, as these things happen, and had to scramble to make the bus on time. When we walked onto the crowded bus, we realized there were not two seats together. At one row however, there were empty aisle seats. I asked each person at the window if it was possible to switch, so we could sit together. Neither would agree to this. I was let down, I’ll admit it. Mostly because I’ve done this countless times for others on airplanes. So I was bummed. I was looking forward to snuggling up, chatting a bit, and napping on the ride home. It seemed like the only proper way to end what was such a lovely weekend together.

I was tired. I was a bit grumpy because all the fun of the weekend, and our time together, was nearly over. I will not deny any of that and because of all this, I became a bit flustered. But when I had to fight back tears for a second, I wanted to smack myself. It was not the end of the world! I was annoyed at myself already. I sat next to a man, who was stretched out in such a way that he took up a sliver of my seat. He wasn’t particularly creepy, he really wasn’t creepy at all. But I could feel anxiety starting to crawl inside me. The lights went out and the bus started to move. I clung, as inconspicuously as I could, to the aisle-side arm rest. (more…)

The Good…

I’ve been avoiding writing this, well some of it (The second part.). That’s not the sole reason for not having written anything here recently. Life has been a bit hectic lately, the normal single-mom-trying-to-rule-the-world stuff combined with attempts to acquire work (The traditional, non-freelance type, more on that another time!) and so on have kept me from feeling any bit creative. I haven’t created art or crafted in so long, and writing, even the stream of consciousness of this blog seemed like too big a task. A couple of weeks ago, TK surprised me with an incredible weekend away for my birthday. I knew nothing of the plans, except I was booked from Friday evening to Sunday night, and to pack something nice to wear for Saturday.

I have a sort of love-hate relationship with surprises. I absolutely love the thrill of not knowing, of what could be, and I get a kick out of the curiosity that blossoms inside me regarding a surprise. But I also fear them. I worry I won’t enjoy myself; for some reason I always fear a surprise for me will involve public speaking. Or that I’ll end up being a public spectacle in some form. I’ll psycho-analzye that one later… So I was delighted to have a surprise weekend to wonder about and yet nervously curious to finally know what it was all about. (more…)